my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
