my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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