My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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