Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
my poor anus
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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