all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
