dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
