Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
