Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
