You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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