I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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