I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
