State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
