this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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