I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
