apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
