the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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