oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
