i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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