Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
