Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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