i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
