I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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