just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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