if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
