I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
