You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
