her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
