Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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