I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
