would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
