We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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