my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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