I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
