I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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