Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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