We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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