Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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