First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
then he tried to convert me to islam
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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