the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
