Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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