there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
