I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
