make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
