listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
