So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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