Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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