My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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