Im at strip club and am horny
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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