Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
