well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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