so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
