Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
